RP- Australia

[berseker]

edited because the caps started to get on my nerves


Title: RP – Therapy Session
Characters/Pairings: Austria, Australia (hints of Aussie/America. And by hints I mean it’s totally happening, mate.)
Rating/Warnings: … if you ever felt traumatized by your therapist asking about your sexual fantasies, this might be triggering. ;D
Summary: Australia has a session with Austria.



So. This was a RP made by yours truly and candesceres . I was Austria, she was Australia. You’ll hear echoes from this post here. And this out. You should also know that psychoanalysis totally started in Austria. ^^

Anyway, this is how it started:



Berseker: I don't know bro, I'm starting to think Aussie has trouble being the bottom. Because I remember the last time we talked about it. And he was totally like NO IT NEVER HAPPENED
Candesceres: OHSHI - you might be on to something there bro
Berseker : COME ON TELL ME. /Austria mode ON
Candesceres : OH GOD. LOL I TOLD YOU BRO. Him and South Africa. COCK GOES WHERE MOMENT.
Berseker : Aaaaaand-? How did it go?
Candesceres : And he - he was a baby okay. Not enough lube and it hurt like all hell. You know how big those africans are? DDD:
Berseker : SO HE WAS THE BOTTON THEN AND HE DIDN'T LIKE IT
Candesceres : LOL. NO. He hated it. Thought it was nothing to write home about. 
Berseker : And after that? Thell me about the first time you enjoyed, Aussie
Candesceres : HE PREFERRED SHAGGING PRETTY GIRLS LIKE VIETNAM AND TAIWAN. >___> Or you know, pretty boys. But those were harder to come by.
Berseker : I SEEEEEEEE...
Candesceres : WELL BRO. He didn't really know anyone outside the Commonwealth for ages. HE WAS ISOLATED.
Berseker : Hm.... what about the commonwealth then?
Candesceres : DO YOU KNOW HOW BIG THE COMMONWEALTH IS BRO? More than he could do, at any rate lol.
Berseker : THEN LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS CRUSH OF YOURS.
Candesceres : OH GOD
Berseker : Tell me when this started. Not historically. I want to know your feelings. What were you doing, etc

Then it started and it went ON, guys, I don't even know.







Australia :
WHEN IT STARTED, OH. UH... well I was kind of fighting for my life. You know. Against the Japs? Because that stupid Pommie bastard let Singapore fall and left me wide open, and guess who came to back me up. But you know before that I never liked the bloke much, being England's golden boy and all. Though I always thought he was pretty. /cough
Austria :
Hm… first you didn’t like him because he was England’s favorite…
Australia :
Yeah well. I was a snot-nosed kid looking for affection. So sue me.
Austria :
You started to like him when he came to you… after England had left you. And my, my, how defensive. Why is that, I wonder.
Australia :
This sarcasm. I don’t appreciate it. STOP THAT.
Austria :
It’s not sarcasm. Do you feel insulted when people imply you feel left out? Does it threaten you?
Australia :
Come over here and say that to my face piano man. And who was left out? What are you saying. I wasn’t left out. I was part of this war too you know. War of the pacific. Ever heard of it?
Austria :
HM... I never said you weren’t. Why are you saying this? Do you think people don’t give the attention they should to the war of the pacific?
Australia :
Jungle warfare man. We were ace at it. Why do you think America came to us during Vietnam? And- well it’s always about ve-day, isn’t it? Normandy and all that.
Austria :
Hm... let me see if I got it – first America comes to save you and then he comes to ask for your help. How does this make you feel?
Australia :
What’s with all the questions already? The guy needed some help. We kinda of owed him, so why not?
Austria :
This is a fact, Australia. It’s not a feeling. I asked about your feelings.
Australia :
What the hell man. What do you want me to say? It felt good. It feels good to be doing something. Would you rather be at home twiddling your thumbs?
Austria :
It felt good to be doing something, you say.
Australia :
Stop it with the rhetoric questions, Jesus Christ. Quit parroting me.
Austria :
Why? Does it upset you to hear your own words?
Australia :
It sounds stupid. [/sulky]
Austria :
Do you think your feelings sound stupid?
Australia :
No I think the way you keep repeating them back to me sounds stupid. B|
Austria :
I think it’s interesting how you were thankful for his help and his heroic rescue during WW2… But you still fear that he thinks less of you. And you jump at the chance to, as you say, pay back what you owed him. Is that what you’re saying?
Australia :
Hey. It wasn’t heroic. It was war. One nation helping another. England had his own problems. What makes you say he thinks less of me? [d-does he?] How do you know?
Austria :
You say England had his own problems, so America had to help you. You think this was supposed to be England’s job, that he should have been there for you. Did you use to worry if England thought less of you?
Australia :
America had a vendetta against Japan from the get-go alright? And where was he? In my part of the world, that's where. Of course he'd come over. I had the biggest naval base in the Pacific. You think he wanted Japan to get his hands on that? Huh. England's always thought less of me. Penal colony, remember?
Austria :
So... what you're saying is that America didn't do this for you, he did it for personal reasons. I think you sound a little bitter about it, Australia... what do you think?
Australia :
Yeah. Yeah that's it exactly. The guy didn't know me from Adam. I was just another one of England's kids and he wanted to stop Japan. You'd be mad to turn that kind of aid down. Bitter? Bitter about what? England dumping convicts on me and creating divisions between my people? Of course I'm bitter! I've only been my own country for a hundred years mate, give me a break.
Austria :
Hm... no. I understand this is a valid reason for bitterness, of course, but I asked if you were bitter about America, not about England. About the fact that he, as you said,,, didn't know you from Adam.
Australia :
.......bitter about AMERICA? [/blank-faced plz] What? From when I was .... hell no, if this is from when I was a kid I'm over that. I didn't expect him to know me. I was as invisible to him as his own brother. We're just the faces of the Commonwealth. S'fact. Just making a statement, man. You don't have to psychoanalyze EVERYTHING.
Austria :
Don’t you think it’s interesting how you... justify his actions? You didn't expect him to know you, you're just one of England's kids... so you didn't deserve to be recognized by him back then. Do you see yourself as another face of the commonwealth, Australia?
Australia :
Where have you BEEN? What, you never heard of the revolution? He inspired every one of England's kids who wanted to break away to try and make it on their own. I'm not saying I didn't deserve it, hell... I was wet behind the years nation-wise alright? I relied on England for everything. The Commonwealth is the Commonwealth, man. That's just the way it is. I've got more Brits on my land than I know what to do with. I'm not paying you by the hour to tell me I've got daddy-issues, jesus christ.
Austria :
... is that what you're hearing, Australia? That you have daddy issues?
Australia :
WOULD YOU LISTEN TO YOURSELF. [facepalm] This is exactly what I'm saying! Stop DOING that. I do not have ... ugh, I don't have that alright? He's not my father and don't you try to convince me that he is. What the hell am I saying, this isn't even about him.
Austria :
... did I say he was your father?
Australia :
........you're not going to go all Freudian on me are you? Because I can never tell with you.
Austria :
hm... let's focus on your own words. Let's think about this for a moment. You told me about a few reasons why you admire America... and, somehow, you bring England to it. America went there to save you when England didn't. You didn't deserve his attention because he rebelled, and you relied on England. And just now you said that you don't have problems with England, because you have his people on your house, and when you said America came to your help, you sounded happy. Tell me, Australia... did you ever got this... attention you want? Because it looks to me that what you're saying is: when you felt betrayed by England - and you have all the rights to feel this way - you found another hero to look up to.
Australia :
............. I never said he was my HERO. That's just... that sounds so... what is this? A fairy tale? Do I look like I need a knight in shining armour or something?
Austria :
I don't know. Do you?
Australia :
THE HELL I DO. I look out for myself and the rest of Oceania just fine. We've been through this.
Austria :
You said you were fighting for your life, and he came to back you up. And... correct me if I'm wrong, but to me you sound a little ambivalent about it - you say he came to your aid and you love him for it. And, at the same time, you say it's just what nations do and he didn't do it for *you*, but for reasons of his own.
Australia :
YES. He came to back me up. America-the-fucking-beautiful sailed all the way to our backwaters to get even with Japan and - I never said I LOVED him, stop putting words in my mouth dammit!
Austria :
America the fucking beautiful. I wonder why you would describe him like that. Do you still resent him? Did his help hurt your pride?
Australia :
......what you don't know? Land of the free, home of the brave? Purple mountain's majesty? What. IT'S A SONG. Of course he didn't hurt my pride, 'course he didn't. Everyone was glad to have him. Though they were all going to die in their beds if Darwin fell I think. [/sigh]
Austria :
Yes... but you have reasons to say this now, Australia, and you sure have reasons to do it the way you did. You said you used to resent him before, for being England's golden boy. Do you believe this feeling went away? The older brother, the favorite one, the one who went away... comes back to save you.
Australia :
God you're not going to let it go until I say it am I? Fine. I hated him. I hated how England couldn't let him go and how he had to treat the rest of us like dirt to make up for it. But I got over it okay? I sucked it up and brushed it off. I grew up. It's not as if I feel that way now. And for the record, he's NOT my brother. New Zealand is my brother. I was just glad for the support.
Austria :
Hm... you don't seem to like your feelings very much. You took this long to say these words, and as soon as you do you say they're not true anymore, that this is all in the past. You're willing to admit you're grateful, but you find it hard to say you hate someone. Or that you resent them. Or that the way people treat your part in this war hurts you. This makes me wonder if this is really in the past, or if this is just what you want to tell yourself. I remember when I asked you if you think America thinks less of you, you were worried. You asked me if I knew something you didn't.
Australia :
Look I had it tough growing up alright? I'm not one for complaining so stop trying to drag stuff out of me. I learned to live with it, just like how my people are learning to live with the fact that their ancestors were criminals. It takes a long-ass time on everyone's part. And it IS all in the past, alright? I'm not some whiny kid who can't get over themselves so stop treating me like one. Look man, I'm not very good at this okay? The Yank can be even more sensitive than England and that's really saying a lot. I think the world is in enough trouble as it is without me setting him off.
Austria :
Hm... let's think about this for a moment. You accused me of saying you had daddy issues, remember that? Now you accuse me of treating you like a whiny kid. I'm pretty sure I did neither of those things... this makes me wonder if that's not what *you* are telling yourself, Australia. And now you just said you don't want to set America off. And you compared him to England... I didn't do that, you did. You worry about how other people see you, about how America sees you. It's like you need other people to treasure you, because you don't. You were happy for the chance to help America... I don't think this was because that's what nations do. I think it was important for you to prove yourself, to show you could help people too. That if he had saved you, you could save him back. You don't want to set him off. Are you really worried about the world? Or are you afraid of losing the respect he has for you?
Australia :
......fuck you're doing my head in. It's all gone "whoosh" right over the top. How do you DO that. I think you're saddling me with more issues than I already apparently had. And hey, everyone likes to feel needed right? Call it a chance to make up for the disaster I went through the first time round. You Europeans and your wars. .........look like I said, he's sensitive alright? I don't need that kind of bad press.
Austria :
No, I'm only highlighting what you're telling me. See, you did it again. You say everyone likes to feel needed, but you don't say ‘I like to feel needed’. And if feeling needed is so hard to admit, I wonder about the hurt and the betrayal... how hard it is for you to say 'I’m hurt', now, in the present, and not brush it off as something buried in the past.
Australia :
But I'm NOT hurt. Not here, and not now. Not in the present. Things are going great in the present. It's just that being so far away from everything that goes on does kind of make you feel left out and I admit to that. Fine. But the time for resentment is over.
Austria :
Let's focus on America. You said you had some resentment for him, for being the center of England's affection. And then he helped you when England didn't, but you still doubted yourself, you still thinks he wasn't looking at *you*, but at Japan. Now, remember, this all started because we were discussion your sexual fantasies about him, how you wanted to top him. Don't you think this is interesting? How you see him as this powerful person, how you don't want to set him off and how much you value his respect... and the dreams you have about him?
Australia :
.........And I wish you wouldn't say those sorts of things out loud. It sounds so dumb when you say it like that. [/orz so embarrassed don't even] Are you trying to tell me I get off on power-play? God I'm turning into England. [/facepalm]
Austria :
You have no reason to feel embarrassed... erotic fantasies are perfectly normal and healthy. I just find it interesting that you don't want to be in a position that, to you, implies something about... power, and strength. When I say you want to top him, you immediately think of power play,,, something you associate with England. Would you like to have power over America, Australia?
Australia :
[/COUGH, SO RED DON'T EVEN] Th-That's, er... not that kind of power. Not like England. Or any of that Empire crap. I don't want that at all. This is America, you realize? When was the last time any of us were able to CONTROL him?
Austria :
So what do you want? If you don't want this kind of power, what kind do you want? Because having power is not always about... acting like an Empire. And our conversation made me think that you would like to have some sort of... control over him, and I understand this is not the best word, but still. Let's go with it for a while. To you, topping him would reassure you that he respects you enough to give you this kind of power. That he considers you his equal... and maybe even more. Because I've seen how... pleased you feel when you see some show of affection of his part.
Australia :
I need to get it out of my system? I don't know! That's what you're here for, isn't it? You're the one with all the answers. B| Well I suppose you could look at it like that... I guess. But...an equal? I don't know about that. Seems a bit far-fetched, ahaha. Bit out of my league don't you think? And of course I'm pleased, he's a good bloke. Bit of a dickhead sometimes but a good bloke all the same
Austria :
I'm not the one with all the answers, not by far. You are. But let's think about this. Saying the words out loud- that America might consider you his equal - makes you embarrassed. You feel like it's just... a silly dream, something impossible to achieve. That he's out of your league. This seems to be a constant in your life... you believe that the people you want the most, and I don't mean this in a necessarily sexual way - are out of your league. And you feel this urge to defend yourself. You say of course you like him, he's a good bloke. Every time you tell me a feeling of yours you feel the need to add a tag to it to make sure I understand it's normal and... shall I say... trivial. Do your feelings make you feel vulnerable? The fact that yes, you dream of America surrendering to you... does that make you feel embarrassed?
Australia :
Of course it's fucking embarrassing. I've never seen him submit to any other nation in my life and seeing him submit to me is beyond that. It's surreal. Alright maybe I'm sexually attracted to him, but what of it? I bet loads of other people are. I'm not a "Let's sit down and talk about our feeelings" kind of guy okay? It's not exactly the kind of confrontation I go looking for.
Austria :
And you're doing it again, Australia, you're justifying. Maybe loads of other people are attracted to him. Maybe not. Maybe you're the only one. Who can tell? And why does it matter? The important thing here is you. And your feelings. And it looks to me that this is not about discussing your feelings with someone else, but looking at them yourself. You're not afraid of confronting someone else, you're afraid of confronting yourself... if you looked at your feelings, all of them... what do you think you would find? Why does it scare you so much?
Australia :
Argh, fine whatever. I'm justifying. Whatever. Just change my name to Charles "Justifying" Hargraves while you're at it. Fuck. I - ....I - that's ... I can't. I won't. You can't lead me around by the nose, drag me to the water and say "Man up Australia. You're crushing like a schoolgirl on a world empire, drink it all in because it's not going to go away" Because I won't do it. It'll... It'll go away eventually won't it? This. I just have to hold out long enough ahaha. Yeah, yeah...that shouldn't be too hard. I mean seriously mate, what good would come of this anyway? This isn't some kind of highschool confession drama.
Austria :
See? Those words - man up, crushing like a schoolgirl - are not mine, they're yours. That's what you tell yourself, and... I'm not worried about America here. I can't tell you how he would react to a possible confession, I'm not even telling you to confess to him. But I'm worried about how sure you are that this is impossible. That your dreams and desires are impossible and the only solution is to hope it will all go away. Doesn't this sound familiar to you, Australia? Wanting the attention of a world empire, and believing he's too out of your league and you don't deserve this attention... where have you heard this before? Are you sure you're really living in the present? Are you sure you're actually seeing things as they are? That the past is as deeply buried as you'd like it to be?
Australia :
Don't... don't compare America to England, god. This is screwed up enough as it is. I came here for answers and I'm not leaving until you give them to me outright. I'm living for the future alright? What's past is past. It's not the same thing anymore. I didn't lo - I didn't LIKE England like that okay? Just... I just need you to tell me what I need to do. That's what I came here for.
Austria :
Hm. I'm not looking at American, and I'm not looking at England. I'm looking at you. And the way you feel about them. I believe the way you loved England was different than the way you love America, yes, even if that's one of the feelings you wish you didn't have. But the point is that you got hurt. It was a different relationship, yes, but... you know, Australia, the heart can't tell the difference. Hurt is hurt. And not having the love you wanted hurt bad enough for you to believe you don't deserve it. That those nations are, as you put it, out of your league. So you have to ask, you have to ask America if you're lovable, ask me what you should do, and I can't even begin to imagine all the questions you would like to ask England if you could. I'll give the question back to you: are you lovable? Are you someone America could surrender to?
Australia :
God I need a drink. [/rubs his hands over his eyes, sigh] I suppose that's it then isn't it? Whatever you want to know you need only ask. I want... I don't know what I want. I'd have to get England off his face and then go about doing the same to myself in order for THAT conversation to ever come about. Who goes around asking someone if they love them anyhow? Isn't it the other way around? And I..... [pauses for a long, long moment] I'd like to be. Does that count?
Austria :
It has to count for you, Australia. Do you understand this? I could give you a straight answer, but you had those before. You had people telling you they love you. But if you don't love yourself, then it won't resonate and it won't matter. My answers won't matter, because you'll only believe your own words... and I think we know what you've been telling yourself for the past years. And you see, it all comes back to England. I think you found a part of the answer you need, right now... you have to solve this first and understand the part he has in you, and then... like you said. You'll never know if you don't ask. Now please understand, I'm not saying you should go and ask him - this is your call. I just don't want you to dismiss what you know. I don't want you to treat yourself as if you were... a whiny kid in love with an empire.
Australia :
No, I mean... is it enough? To want to be something, to be SOMEONE so badly? I'd like to be good enough to deserve it. You think I go around kicking England's arse in cricket for the sport of it? Well you know, I DO but yeah... he acknowledges it and that's something. Man I'd rather get torn apart by wild horses than confront England but... but yeah. I think I get what you're trying to say. Cards on the table. Just got to lay it all out there, yeah? Bare my soul all that poetic nonsense. Be a man about it Australia. They're only feelings. He doesn't come to you too, does he? America. Does he say anything about me? [/cheeky smile is cheeky, but he's trying]
Austria :
Oh, Australia. What if I told you that trying means something and you don't need to stress so much about it and everything you want to hear? Even about America. You know I can't answer that, but what if I could? Your face would light up and you’d feel warm and the world would be perfect for... five minutes? Because then you'd start to wonder if I got it right. If I'd still say this after learning about the things that make you dislike yourself. If I'm not lying just to make you happy, if... you know how this goes, don't you?
Australia :
Yeah...but I would take those five minutes over nothing at all in a heartbeat. But, no...no you're right. Sink or swim. Just got to jump off the cliff and hope for the best. No point in worrying over assumptions and making even more justifications, eh? It's like pulling off a bandaid. Or is that like riding a bike... well, I don't know. It's something.
Austria :
I am not right. You are. It's your call. You're the only one who can tell the right time to do this. The only thing I can do is help you to understand yourself. And now our time is ending, so I'll leave you with one last thought. I shouldn't say this, because you know I don't have the power to make promises, but I think that when you start to acknowledge yourself and treat yourself like you want to be treated... I think you'll have more than five minutes of happiness. Be with America or not. Whatever England may say.
Australia :
Right. Right yeah. I should probably, um... go. Before I give you more reason to throw that clipboard at me. Yeah. And that would be wicked. Let's be optimistic and say ten minutes eh? Fingers crossed and all ....So will I need another of these do you think? Same time next week? That is if you haven't had more than enough of me as it is. [/laughs]
Austria :
[light smile] You didn't give me any reason to throw anything at you. And, to answer your not-quite-a-question, no, I'm not tired of you yet. Yes, Australia, same time next week.
Australia :
Ha. Well that's always good to know. So yeah... next week then. Who knows what we'll have dug up by then. Either way, I'll be sure to bring all the skeletons in my closet. /grins




~*~